I need to stop coming to work sober
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
