They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
