Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We are two peas in an std pod
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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