I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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