At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
