come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
