He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
