From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
