So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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