he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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