Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
