please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
