bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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