do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
