She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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