Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
