Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
