we made out on top of his cat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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