After last night, I could never be a politician.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize