I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
