OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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