In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize