the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
