I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
