My sheets look like a crime scene.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
