he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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