you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
