i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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