I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
