Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
