He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
