They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
