I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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