Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize