my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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