I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
