Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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