i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
