I can feel you judging me through the phone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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