if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
