it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
