Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
where are my eyebrows?
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