According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
