Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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