I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
