Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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