i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
