is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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