She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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