ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
