You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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