I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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