I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
