1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why is half of my head shaved?
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