Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
