dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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