the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
