my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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