he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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