Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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