bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
