I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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