Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
