My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last night I used snow as a chaser
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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