My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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