There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
