FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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