This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
