i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
