So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
