I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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