What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
