Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
