Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
