There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
