New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ladies don't puke and tell
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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