I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
