I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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