yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you made out with another girl for some wings
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
