but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
