Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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