The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
