Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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