Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
