I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
