He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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