I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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