She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
