Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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