turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
